


Broken

by kittykatdennings94



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-05 23:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykatdennings94/pseuds/kittykatdennings94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. - Yeats</p><p>This is the story of a woman who is broken in every sense of the word;<br/>this is the story of a woman who put herself back together again- and in the process</p><p>She saved the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Darkness with You

**Author's Note:**

> I already published this on ff.net but I wanted to post here too since I just joined.

They sent Jane away to a safe place for a “consultation”; it was sudden- a single phone call, and then Jane was googling some remote location which neither women had ever heard of. In a moment Jane rearranged her very busy schedule to be free for a month- they hadn’t specified how long they required her services, but their fees were quite lucrative and Jane always needed funding for her work.

Then there was a flurry to pack the necessary clothing and research supplies- they had to go to Walmart at 1 AM for emergency clean clothes- and then Jane made her write a series of to-do lists; tasks that absolutely had to be completed during the indefinite period of Jane’s absence- and then at 5 AM she watched as an unmarked black SUV picked her up, taking her to God knows where.

She was okay, the first day. She took the time to eat a real breakfast for once; eggs and bacon, with fresh coffee, while checking her mail. After that though she went to Jane’s lab and began to do her real work; proving and disproving theorem after theorem- her boss had left quite the list. After more than a year of listening to Jane and Erik discuss astrophysics in regard to the Einstein-Rosenbridge theory, she’d become quite well versed on the subject. She was actually capable of performing research for Jane. After Dr. Selvig had left six months ago to work full-time on a SHIELD facility, Jane’s work load had doubled, and she had had to pick up Erik’s slack.

It wasn’t until she returned home that evening, eating cereal for dinner, watching Keeping up with the Kardashians, that she felt something wrong. A ticker tape at the bottom of the Trash Television read on an “attack at Stuttgart” of an “unknown nature”- she felt a chill run down her spine as she turned off the television to read more on the attack online.

And then when the news proved to be vague and unhelpful, she checked her phone for any texts- not that she had any friends- and changed for bed. It was already 1 AM, because she had worked long hours doing Jane’s work and her own.

The next morning was too quiet. The normally serene sunrise seemed eerie, and the town wasn’t buzzing as normal.

Still, she went to the lab and plunged into another list of things to do.

The morning turned to afternoon and then something happened at 2.

It made her pause; slowing her typing on her laptop- she stopped highlighting figures from a blueprint of a portal stabilizer and carefully listened.

The ground began to shake, and as suddenly it began it stopped.

Her heart was pounding as she reached for the taser in her pocket; her mouth was dry as she searched in a closet for a locked box. She struggled with the combination, remembering 3-4-1 and gingerly pulling out the unloaded handgun inside.

Erik had showed her how to use it once; she’d paid little mind, scoffing at the idea of ever needing it in their lab for research no one understood.

The small relief which filled her faded quickly as another noise permeated the research lab- it came from outside; a roaring of some sort.

Despite her immense fear, she cocked the gun as she remembered from an episode of Law and Order: SVU, and looked out the window.

It was an inferno- across the street the strip was in flames- the diner, the coffee shop, the book store- all ablaze.

Things whizzed through the sky- flying at breakneck speeds, and she almost didn’t notice the object zooming towards her until it crashed through the lab wall, narrowly missing her head.

Quickly she rose from the ground, attempting to plan some way to _get out with her laptop_ before all of Jane’s research was lost, but the thing shot some kind of rifle at the desk and effectively destroyed 9 months of constant work.

She aimed and took fire at it, aiming for anything that looked remotely vulnerable. The thing didn’t even flinch, and approached her swiftly, grabbing her and pinning her to the control panel of its hover device with its weapon.

In a matter of minutes, she was entering some kind of swirling blue portal, not unlike the one she had seen year ago when Thor and the Asgardian Destroyer had both respectively arrived.

It hit her then that this was the second form of alien life she had encountered, and then she realized that she was being taken hostage probably because she had met Thor.

The portal seemed to end and she found herself soaring above the tops of New York’s Empire State building, in the midst of an overpoweringly huge cacophony- a battle for Earth.

The thing set her down atop an unknown building where she was faced with a laser-like device, powered by a glimmering blue cube. There beside it stood two men, backs to her.

She recognized one back- it was covered in faded gray plaid: _Erik._

The other back was tall and angular and covered in black and gold gleaming armor- horns curved back towards her on the man’s helmet, and as he turned Darcy realized that _this was no man,_ but another Asgardian god, except this time he wasn’t nearly as benign or benevolent as Thor.

The god sneered at her in a sort of smile, and Darcy felt a shudder of horror run through her. The being strode towards her, and in a bizarrely belated moment of clarity Darcy understood that Jane’s sudden consulting opportunity in literally the middle of nowhere, was really her being evacuated from a potential warzone by SHIELD.

Like a backhanded slap, she also understood that she, Darcy Lewis, political science major and the Earth’s 3rd greatest unofficial expert on the Einstein-Rosenbridge theorem, was not considered important enough to be saved from whatever the battle being waged about her was.

She was wrenched from her thoughts as the god lifted her off her feet by the throat. Her vision clouded and she barely heard him cry out, “Those fools mistook my brother’s whore for another! I have no use for her-“and then she felt the air whistling about her as she was thrown from the skyscraper.

Time seemed to slow as she hurtled to the ground, and Darcy took a moment to appreciate her life, all 22 years of it.

She’d had a good family, fun times in high school. She wasn’t a drug addict or an alcoholic, nor had she ruined any lives she knew of. She had become part of an organization bigger than anything she could imagine in the world, even if was barely a fringe role as an accidental witness to an extra-terrestrial of godly proportions.

Her final thoughts were interrupted by a crash landing to an oncoming hovercraft with another of those things on it.

It was a fortunate thing, really. Darcy may have broken her collarbone and both her legs, as well as multiple ribs when the hovercraft plummeted to the street, destroying the cars in its path, but she had survived what would have been a fatal, spinal cord crushing drop to the ground.

Darcy wasn’t a superhero of course, so she, like any other mere mortal, blacked out upon making contact on the ground. She had no thoughts then, only spinning and nausea and pain and _fear, so much fear that it permeated every inch of her being_.

And then there was nothing.

She awoke to white.

It was blindingly so, with Spartan décor- only a bed with the necessary medical equipment surrounding it like a fortress. It was with a hazy mind that Darcy took stock of her location. Clearly it was no ordinary hospital; guards stood outside the door, as she could see from her small window, and the things she was attached didn’t at all resemble what she had seen on House MD.

In fact, she could hardly recognize herself from what she could see at her vantage point- she was in a cast from both knees down, and her arms were in slings. Her hands also were immobile, in some kind of mesh bandage keeping her from wiggling her fingers.

Darcy didn’t have a mirror, but she could tell that her face was highly swollen and bruised- she tried to move her mouth and nearly screamed from the shock- pain ran through her like a shock wave.

Leaning back on the pillow to rest, Darcy realized that she was broken. Broken down, broken up.

She was stuck in some strange room in an unknown facility _alone._ Thoughts of Jane flitted through her mind; was she safe?  
With a sardonic internal snort Darcy knew she was- they had taken care of Jane Foster, _girlfriend_ of Thor of Asgard.

What was she to expect? Darcy, awkward acquaintance of Thor?

Rescued?

A sudden wave of fury coursed through her. Darcy looked around for a telltale button, calling a nurse for aide. Almost instantly, a woman ran in to check her.

“Ma’am, are you alright?!”

Darcy took no time for niceties; she wanted answers _now._

“Where am I? What’s wrong with me, and who found me?”  
The woman clearly had anticipated these questions, and she was also quite obviously prepared by someone else to answer them.

“Ms. Lewis, this is a government hospital, and you were found by the authorities injured after the incident in Manhattan.”

Darcy was incensed- that was _bullshit._ “I asked where I am as in specifics, like a name of a hospital?  You know and I know that this is SHIELD- you practically scream agent in disguise- and I know that the incident was an ALIEN attack, as in outer space, and that highly classified individuals were involved in the battle. I was caught in the crossfire because I knew one of those certain individuals, and I refuse to be almost-collateral! I want to see whoever’s in charge, right away!”

The woman knew that there was no fooling Darcy with stories and placations at that point, and walked out of the room promising to “speak with someone” immediately.

Darcy remembered that the lady hadn’t answered her questions about the nature of her injuries, and began to worry.

She lost herself in thought, mindlessly worrying about _everything_ until someone else entered the room. He was a SHIELD suit- he actually looked like Agent Coulson with less hair and a slightly less kind appearance.

“Ms. Lewis. I’m glad you’re finally conscious.” His tone was dry and Darcy figured that whoever the man was, he was like Coulson- someone who wouldn’t tell her a damn thing even if you held a gun to his head.

“How long was I out?”

“3 days. You were pretty beat up when the cleaning crew found you.”  
Disbelief flooded her- “The cleaning crew? As in debris and wreckage janitors?”

He nodded and grinned ever-so slightly, which was enough for Darcy to lose any sense of humor- the guy was an asshole. She had hated the quiet Coulson but at least he had proven to be a compassionate, if subtle man. He had humanity, and this jerk was laughing at her broken self in a hospital bed.

“What’s so funny, asshole? Never seen a girl who got thrown off a building by a demi-God?”

“No Ms. Lewis, of course not. And by the way, next week I’ll be debriefing you before we send you home to New Mexico. Ms. Foster is quite anxious to hear about you-“

She cut him off with a furious head shake.

“No! No, you don’t get to send me away like a bastard child, I was abducted by ALIENS and teleported here, and then I got hit by an alien motor thingy, effectively shattering me! I want to talk to someone higher up than you! Where’s Coulson? I know Phil, we go back!”

The older man shifted his feet, and cleared his throat. “Agent Coulson was compromised, in the course of this mission. Fatally so, I’m afraid. I’m his replacement for the time being.”

Darcy was stopped there, stock still.  
“Dead? How?”

The man looked more human then, replying, “He was defending SHIELD and earth even in his dying moments. He was a hero, always.”

Darcy wanted to cry, but then realized that she could not let her issue slip through the cracks of bureaucracy- what had happened to her was _not_ okay and she wasn’t going to stand for it.

She pulled out her one card- “I want to talk to the top. I mean the head, the president or King of SHIELD. You may have read that I was involved with Loki’s attack back in New Mexico- I saw everything. The metal Destroyer, the Warriors Three. I might get a bit wordy on the street, talk to a reporter. They’ll believe me now, even if they wouldn’t have before. Earth’s survived its first alien attack and now we’re gonna hear about it for the next decade- and I plan on talking to every fucking news station I  can unless you SHIELD tools let me talk to your leader. I was disregarded as irrelevant- and I almost _died_ \- despite my supposed lifelong status of a person interest! I almost died 3 days ago!”

Darcy was out of breath, still catching her breath and feeling pangs of discomfort with each intake of air.

The agent stepped out of the room in that moment to speak on some sort of Bluetooth comm-link. She supposed that she was getting tattled on for her threats, but didn’t care.

He re-entered nearly five minutes later, clearly displeased.

“You’ll meet Director Fury shortly. I am sorry you are dissatisfied with SHIELD at this moment but do not ever try to bargain with this organization or myself ever again- blackmail is illegal, and any breach of intelligence is considered a matter of international security. Be warned.”

Like some kind of vampire the agent stalked out of the room, leaving a physically exhausted Darcy gasping slightly for air as she leaned back against her pillows. It took a minute for her to comprehend that she had succeeded in getting an audience with the SHIELD leader, but then she was overtaken by another thought; what did she want to say to him? She was sad they didn’t think she was popular enough to be invited to their supergenius party?

Darcy pondered her growing panic until the door opened, and a tall black man with an eyepatch (!) strode in, with a dramatic leather jacket flowing about him like a cape.  
She waited for him to introduce himself.

“I’m Director Fury, and I’m a very busy man on a normal day. Today is day 3 of the aftermath of what we’re calling Battle New York, so it’s a little bit of a special occasion. What do you want from SHIELD Ms. Lewis?”

The condescending tone banished Darcy’s panicked nervousness and her words flew to her mouth immediately.

“It’s a little late for what I want, isn’t it Director? I’m broken up in a bed, barely surviving and crippled for an indeterminate amount of time, all because SHIELD overlooked my very existence as a person of interest! I was left behind in a line of fire- and we both know that Puente Antiguo was a potential target after last year’s incident with Thor- because you didn’t consider me valuable enough! Because my lack of knowledge made me collateral damage instead of a human being- you took Jane but not me? Because Thor and she are almost fuck buddies? That’s cold hearted political regime shit, which is strange for an organization like yours!”

Fury looked, well, furious, but bored at the same time. “I understand your concern Ms. Lewis but I don’t understand what you want from me.”

Inner-feminist bitch made an entrance in Darcy’s tone, and she could almost feel the burn of anger inside of her body. She was screaming before she realized it; “I ALMOST DIED! I WAS KIDNAPPE D BY THAT ASSHOLE LOKI’S GREMLINS FROM SPACE, TELEPORTED IN A PORTAL, WHILE MY TOWN BURNED DOWN AND THEN SAID ASSHOLE THREW ME OFF A BUILDING BECAUSE I WAS NOT JANE! I fell hundreds of feet in the air and I am no god, so I can’t just fly to safety! I, a civilian your shady-ass organization swore to protect due to my knowledge, was taken in by your enemy as a potential hostage! You can’t expect me to take that lying down!” He quirked his eyebrows at her position in bed, lying down.

“Are you laughing? Is my problem funny to you? I know I’m just a small fry to y’all but I’m a human and if I took this story anywhere, they’d swallow it in a heartbeat! The media would love to bash you guys! I bet they already blamed you for this maelstrom, didn’t they?!”

Fury merely shook his head and rubbed his face. “Once again Ms. Lewis, what can I do? Do you want money? A car, an apology? Frankly, and sadly, I do not have time for this problem. I’m not going to be blackmailed unless there’s a stake for you and right now, you’re just yelling at me. What do you want?”

Darcy thought quickly, examining her options. “I want a research facility, here in New York. I expect protection for myself as a person of interest in _two_ SHIELD related attacks. I want a new apartment, and if Dr. Foster wants to be with me, a place for her too. I will never, ever be in that situation again, Director Fury. In fact, I’d prefer to work for SHIELD and get insurance too, if it means I get to hide in YOUR basement next time the Martians attack.”

Fury looked a little less grim- “I can do that. You want a place as a researcher for SHIELD, you got it- so long as you stay quiet. I cannot have anyone on this team ever speak to anyone about our organization’s activities or nature. Ever.”

Darcy nodded- this was easier than she’d thought.

“Dr. Foster has had a long standing job offer with SHIELD for a year now; she’s refused on basis of relocating you up till now. I believe she’ll take that offer, with you. Can I go now, or do I need to sign your cast too?”  
Darcy turned away, and the man left, slamming the door shut.

She looked at her toes then, and tried to wiggle them. Once, twice. The third time, she nearly began to sweat from the effort, but _her toes would not move_.

Crippled.

Maybe these casts were permanent.

Could she move her arms? With a tiny sigh she could tell they were mobile, albeit bone tired. She’d gotten some of what she wanted, but as usual she had managed to walk away, scarred.

Broken.

Jane came a day later; she seemed thinner from the last time they’d said goodbye, and her eyes were red from crying.

“I can’t believe they took me and not you, it’s insanity! If I had known for a minute, Darce, I swear on my life I’d have  made them come get you! I promise, we’ll get this fixed-“  
“I can’t fix my legs though, Jane. It’s their fault so calm down, but what do we do with my paralyzed legs? They said I might regain their use in a few years if they finish a certain technology they only have access too, but still. I’m a burden.”  
Jane shook her head and the tears fell once more; “Darcy, no. Just, no. You’re my helper, my best friend- my only friend. I love you and need you more than anyone could know; you can’t think you’re my burden. You’re a gift to me!”

They hugged, sort of, and some of the bitterness Darcy had harbored towards Jane dissipated.

At least she had wanted her to be safe and by her side.

_And so Darcy moved on. After a month of recovery, she was able to wheel herself around in a chair pretty well; as a research assistant for Jane, she was able to do pretty much whatever she wanted. Despire things working out “okay” she was still furious at SHIELD for abandoning her._

_Things managed to get better when she got permission to go back to school on SHIELD’s dime- she became a psychology major and within 5 years (she already had some of her credits) she was a qualified psychologist employed at SHIELD._

_Her work was hard, and she had to cope with leaving Jane for the first time but she loved it. Darcy could almost forget the wheelchair, but then she’d see it by her bed each morning and remember- she was left to die._

_Soon someone would enter her life who felt exactly that way, and she wouldn’t be prepared to face the full brunt of her emotions, at all._

**I have a whole other fic to finish but I was rewatching the Avengers and I saw the scene where Coulson tells Thor Jane’s ssafe. I was like, “What about Darcy?” So I filled that in a bit.**

be prepared to face the full brunt of her emotions, at all.


	2. It Flew Away From Her Reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up the pieces of who you once were is bound to leave some wounds.

Psychology made sense to Darcy. Her body was now permanently broken; she was paralyzed from the waist down, as well as covered with a myriad of scars on her chest from lacerations she suffered from her fall. Her mind however was sharper than ever; she was almost a decent astrophysicist, however unqualified, and Jane really did put her to work recreating their research which had been lost in the attack. Darcy initially enjoyed working for a SHIELD lab- Erik was back and his former self, making her comfortable with her two favorite people by her side all the time.

Her tasks used to include her usual research coupled with odd jobs and coffee runs; now that she was in a wheelchair, Jane and Erik made a point to get _her_ coffee from the SHIELD break room. Their floor was quiet and filled with scientists, all making very important discoveries related to various matters of international import. Their lab in particular was quite silent on a normal day; Darcy typing, typing, typing, as Jane computed figures and Erik designed innovative ways to recreate the Einstein-Rosenbridge. Her work was normal, if not easy, and she fell into a routine almost immediately.

At home it was a different story; she and Jane had moved in together, more for Darcy’s sake than anything. At first it took a while for them both to adjust to the four-wheeled elephant in the room- Darcy needed help just using the bathroom or reaching the microwave. Jane was the martyr type, feeling immense guilt for her rescue and Darcy’s injuries, so she took on her role as caring best friend far too seriously. She would check on Darcy in the middle of the night, and be overly nice to the snarky woman. It was a week before Darcy screamed at Jane to “back off”, to which Jane sassily replied “fuck off”, and suddenly they were both giggling and crying at once.

After that, they made the apartment more wheelchair friendly, including a special bathroom for Darcy. (Jane always used Darcy’s bathtub, claiming that her period cramps went away in it). Compromise was made; Jane could worry over Darcy over certain things only, so Darcy wouldn’t go insane from the intensely smothering effect of being an invalid.

Their lives were stagnant barring that; after the attack, SHIELD employees were forced to maintain extremely private lives, as in very little outside socializing. Darcy couldn’t visit her family that first Christmas, because they had no idea that she was now a paraplegic pseudo-astrophysicist working for a secret government agency with superheroes in it. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be, but her

Speaking of superheroes, Darcy hadn’t seen much of the Avengers in her first year of SHIELD employment. Occasionally she’d see the douchey agent from the hospital room walking down the halls, issuing orders to the more important projects, but mostly her area of SHIELD was hero-free.

Her life went on that way for a while; slow, boring, sterile. She didn’t meet new people, she didn’t try new things. Jane lost more weight, but made leaps and strides in her research- working in a top of the line facility helped immensely.

It was around the end of Darcy’s first year at SHIELD when she realized that she was unhappy.

Not just, “I’m in a wheelchair because an alien threw me off a building and now my life is an endless cycle of boring” unhappy, but a bone-deep, cesspit of unhappiness. She would wake up bored, and go to sleep listless, dissatisfied with where her life had gone- and only at the age of 23.

Then Jane hit the jackpot- she managed to recreate the Einstein Rosenbridge in a field in the middle of nowhere, Montana, and that was when Thor returned to his love.

It was mid-summer, blazingly hot outdoors, but chilly inside the SHIELD research tent/lab. The three of them had flown out with SHIELD operatives to observe the newest additions to Dr. Selvig’s demo for the laser he had been designing for most of his life.

Before the test, Jane and Darcy sat together, reading over their final calculations and checking for any potential disasters. Erik calibrated the device for the millionth time, except this time he was going to actually test it out.

With a press of a button, they activated the laser- the Agent Coulson replacement was on his phone while they tested, clearly disregarding their experiment as unnecessary for his attention.

It worked.

With a blast, a bright blue beam shot from the laser and created a portal of swirling colors, causing Agent Asshole to drop his cell phone and Jane to burst into hysterical tears.

Facing Darcy, she screamed like a little girl. “WE DID IT! WE DID IT D WE DID IT! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!”

Erik hugged both women before shutting off the laser and discussing the implications of their success with the Agent, whose name Darcy had chosen not to learn.

Life changed after that.

First of all, they moved up in the hierarchy of SHIELD. Jane was put on several committees for Earth-Asgardian travel and relations, essentially making her the expert on transportation between the two realms. Erik was called upon to perfect other teleportation technology; working in a new lab in a new section of the vast headquarters they called work.

Darcy also felt the effects of their success- she got a raise, and a whole other week of vacation time allotted to her.  People didn’t look at her as the useless crippled secretary anymore- no, now she was the useless cripple because Jane no longer needed her to do her paperwork or research.

It stung Darcy to have worked so hard and yet to have achieved nothing in particular- one whole era of her life seemed to have gone to waste. Her depression was already pulling her down; now she felt the blackness threatening to swallow her permanently.

Things got momentarily brighter, if not happier, in December, months after the first portal was successfully activated.

Jane had decided that two years was a long time for a girl to not see her godly boyfriend and had begun a campaign for bringing Thor to Earth for a short visit.

Darcy remembered the first time Fury had reacted to her suggestion-

“Burn me three times, shame on ME is how the saying goes- I don’t need unnecessary meetings between our realms if it means potentially causing another intergalactic conflict! Ms. Porter, please don’t ask me again for something this impossible. Thor will come when Earth needs him. Trust in that.”

And that was that, for Nick Fury. For Jane, however, the battle had only just begun. At first she unsuccessfully tried to design a way for her to communicate with Asgard- the designs were ambitious, and impossible to complete before ten years’ time. Jane also began badgering Tony Stark- a show of courage which only proved Jane’s love for Thor- for support in terms of calling Thor to earth. It didn’t work, of course. Tony Stark was probably the world’s most capable man when it came to figuring out how to talk to “aliens”, but even he couldn’t manage it while saving the planet on a private and Avengers basis.

Darcy personally felt that Thor would come when the timing was least expected, and of course she was right. He came 3 months after Jane had begun lobbying for her boy-toy.

It was for a world summit meeting, and though Thor was invited as a formality, no one had thought the god would actually show up.

It was a bit of a shock for all of SHIELD when Thor appeared on top of the Empire State building, brandishing his hammer with a bolt of lightning shooting out of it- never a subtle one, Thor.

Jane was thrilled to the moon and back; she walked into her office that morning and screamed at the sight of a blonde man facing away from her sitting in her rolling chair- spinning in said chair, for that matter.

Thor broke the chair in his effort to reach his beloved quickly, but Jane didn’t care. Darcy had already heard the news but had kept the surprise for Jane’s sake; she did however roll to the vicinity of Jane’s office so she could witness the hilarity which was their reunion.

It involved disapproving Fury, passionately kissing Thor and Jane, and a painful sprained ankle for Agent Asshole who tripped over Jane’s broken office chair. All in all, it had been a great day for Jane and a great distraction for Darcy. That afternoon, though, Jane approached her best friend and cheerily announced the news that she had booked a hotel suite for Darcy that weekend- “Wheelchair accessible and friendly, of course!”

Who was Darcy to deny her friend a few nights of passion, considering how long distance her relationship was?

Still, it was shameful; a grown woman asked to leave her apartment so her roommate could have some really hot sex with her boyfriend. If Darcy didn’t love Jane so much, she would have been furious.

That was how she ended up in a hotel room Saturday night, watching a crappy Lifetime movie while sobbing, and breath hitching as the cause of her sadness shifted from the little girl on television that had gotten lost to the fact that her life was a wreck.

She cried for her lost dreams- however unclear, her future had been very bright. She was going to be an attorney, the good pro bono type. She had wanted a real boyfriend who would someday propose to her, and together they would have two babies and also adopt a third if finances would allow. Darcy had laughingly joked a week before the attack that she planned on drunk-dancing at Jane and Thor’s wedding…

Now even that was a fantasy.

……..

The next morning Darcy woke in a mess of tangled sheets. She struggled to free herself, noting that for a paraplegic she was quite capable of tossing and turning like any able bodied person.

After using her handicap able bathroom she pulled out her phone from her purse, absentmindedly checking for the odd text.

(1)    New Message from Jane flashed across her screen.

Wondering what could possibly be so important that Jane would interrupt her weekend orgy with her blonde hunk, Darcy grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar (it was Jane’s after all) and read her message.

One very grammatically correct text spelled out before her:

“Darcy, last night Thor proposed! He tried to make me dinner and almost destroyed our stove, and as we cleaned it up he popped out this amazing Asgardian ring! I AM ENGAGED TO A GOD. I’m so happy and I wanted you to be the first to know that I AM GETTING MARRIED. OH MY GOD DARCY I LOVE YOU AND I NEED TO CALL YOU TO SCREAM AND JUMP BUT I CAN’T THOR’S LEAVING THE RESTROOM TTYL BYE!”

It took Jane’s innocent declaration of joy to her best friend for Darcy to realize that she needed to make some life changing decisions- like hell she was going to be third wheel (plus 4 extra wheels) to Thor and Jane’s marriage.

The time had come to ask Fury for another favor.

_That was how Darcy became a psychologist. First she made a deal with SHIELD- she would promise to remain employed to them within whatever capacity her qualifications allowed for. Then, she applied to NYU and within two months was in a new, handicap able apartment with a different roommate who had had a brother with spina bifida. It was then that the dark cloud which had haunted Darcy for almost two years began to clear away. Despite her being older than everyone else, Darcy did have enough credits to have a considerable jumpstart on her classmates. She excelled in her classes, unaccustomed to having the greater expertise in a subject for once. As time passed, Darcy realized just how much she hated astrophysics and the Einstein Rosenbridge- the research she had done brought her no joy because she got nothing from finding results, except the memories of Thor, Loki, and the flashing recollection of a broken spine._

_She specialized in criminal and forensic psychology and took an internship at the more investigative branch of SHIELD simply labeled, “Investigative Procedures”._

_Crippled at 22, depressed at 23, and a psychologist by 27. Darcy Lewis made friends in that time; casual friends from school (SHIELD prevented close relationships), new friends in her new department, and even managed to make peace with Agent Asshole (his name was Keith)._

_Thor and Jane had to stall their wedding more than 4 years- some kind of Jotunn threat had consumed the Avenger/god’s time, leaving Jane to perfect her technology and to completely disprove countless esteemed theorems._

_By the time the insurgence died down between the two realms, Jane was thirty and desperate to reunited with her love, which she had only seen a handful of times during his absence._

_Thor came back to Earth a wiser, older god. He was nevertheless joyful at the sight of his beloved, crushing her to his chest for a long time, weeping shamelessly along with Jane (and Darcy who’d planned the welcome home party)._

_And then Thor announced that the time had come for him to take his betrothed and wed her, as befitting a goddess of science and stars- although the wedding had to take place on Asgard._

_Jane agreed, willing to do anything for a lifetime with Thor. Darcy resigned herself to watching a video of the space-wedding (if it was possible) and sending Jane edible underwear as a joke._

_She didn’t expect what came out of Jane’s mouth after they announced the wedding date._

“You’re invited to come with me to Asgard, of course.”

Jane’s smile was wicked, and Darcy nearly spilled her red cup of cheap rose wine.

“What the hell?! Jane, how? Fury hasn’t let _anyone_ up there besides Thor!”

The smile grew wider. “You and I built the technology allowing them to do that, and also you paid a price for SHIELD which Fury will never be able to forget- I won’t let him. You’re coming, okay?”

Darcy felt the misty sheen of tears cloud her vision, and she could only nod, wondering if wheelchairs would work in a different realm.

Thor joined his fiancée, putting an arm around her shoulder- Darcy felt a sting of jealousy- and boomed, “Lady Darcy, I would be honored if you were to be the Maiden of Honor at my Jane’s wedding. There is little responsibility involved, so there is no need for you to tax yourself.”

His cheeriness made Darcy laugh and she finally spoke. “I’m up for that! I get to give a drunken speech AND roll-dance with your sexy best man, whoever that would be Thor.”

The super-couple exchanged a glance and Darcy spoke up again. “I get it if there’s no best man, I’m cool with foreign weddings. I went to the best Indian wedding when I was 19, wore a sari and everything!” Jane interrupted; “Darcy, there _is_ a best man.”

“Great, I’ll have someone to sleep with while you two are eating cake! Who is it?”

Thor looked down at Darcy squarely and grimly said, “You will not like this. I am sorry for this, but I cannot do anything about this, little sister.”

Jane lightly nudged Thor as if to say “hurry up!”

Darcy took that as a bad sign and groaned inwardly.

“Say it Thor. I’m a big girl, I’ve heard plenty bad news.”  
With a deep breath Thor replied, “Loki is my best man.”

“Fuck.”

Jane sat next to Darcy’s chair and rubbed her knee. She brushed off her hand, wheeling herself next to Thor, head bowed and hair billowing by her face like a curtain.

“Why, Thor? Why invite me if he was coming?”

Jane answered for Thor. “I asked him this too, but he has no choice. Asgardian law- law, Darcy, dictates that blood brothers are to be present for each other’s nuptials, and are to hold several duties as traditions state. He can’t not have Loki there; otherwise his throne is at stake.”   
Thor chimed in again; “Also, Lady Darcy, you must believe me when I say Loki is a changed man. Time on Asgard passes differently than on this realm- your 4 years is a bevy of decades to us, and Loki has been punished to the fullest extent of the Allfather’s powers. He has been cleared of his crimes, and is forbidden to leave Asgard for the rest of time. His magical capabilities have been taken from him and with the Jotunn threat extinguished, he has very little room for extensive damage under my watch.”

Darcy’s head was spinning- why did she have to go?

Couldn’t someone else do Jane’s maid of honor duties- anyone else?

Apparently not.

“I have no one else in the world Darcy! SHIELD told me that I have to screen potential guests and sweetheart, you’re the only one I can take and be happy with, so please? I promise, minimal contact with Thor’s brother in the ceremony and at the reception! Promise!”

Jane was about cry, and Darcy could not handle a sobbing astrophysicist- the lady rarely ever shed tears, but when she did it annoyed the fuck out of Darcy.

Darcy bit her lip, thinking it over for a minute- could she handle seeing the person who ruined her life so effortlessly and carelessly in any setting, nevertheless a social one?   
Then she thought of her current life- psychology was a rich part of her world now, and she was helping the world by analyzing SHIELD’s bad guys and potential employees.

Her life was weird but okay, and she could take an awkward, painful few nights for the sake of her best, best friend in the world.

“Okay. I’ll go, but I will drink heavily. I promise, Jane, you’ll be so blissful with your Ken doll that you won’t notice me finding a hot Asgardian to inappropriately throw myself at.”

 

**Was it awful? Comments, criticisms in the review box! Sign in so I can reply, I love it when you do that!**


	3. She Dreamed of Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy goes on a trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy enjoy enjoy all! I hope you had a happy holiday so far :)

**I’m back! Enjoy my crappy writing :D**

If anyone ever asked Darcy to describe Asgard to them in a single word, she would have probably replied “No.”

It mostly had to do with the fact that the land was so much more beautiful than earth, with its Rainbow Bridge (semi repaired) and towering castles.

When Thor had described his home to his friends, he had never mentioned the extreme waterfalls built into the city, along with the rivetingly blue sky and gorgeous foliage naturally dispersed about. It was too breathtaking for her mere “Midgardian” tongue- no adjectives could do justice to the magical kingdom above.

There were some draw backs to Asgard however; for example, the place was definitely not handicap friendly. Darcy was fine with Jane or Thor pushing her around on Earth mainly because it was normal for a paraplegic to occasionally need help there. On Asgard though, everyone was perfect. They were almost all good looking to point of ridiculousness, and they all could walk.

The instant Darcy had landed onto the bifrost her balance felt off; she needed a minute to gather her bearings and steady her hands on her wheels before looking up.

What could only be called a crowd of supermodels welcomed the group- Jane and Thor holding hands and looking every inch the royal couple they were destined to become. Darcy was to a side, hair tangled from the trip and makeup already smudged somehow; she stood out like a sore thumb- well, more like sat out.

As they approached a waiting carriage, Thor, Jane, and Darcy all simultaneously realized that there was no way Darcy could get herself into the vehicle- resulting in Thor gently seating her next to Jane, who held her steady with her wheelchair in the back.

She wanted to sob. It was awful, awkwardly dampening the utter joy of Thor’s homecoming with his soon to be bride and Queen. She kept a false smile on her face though, not wanting the perfect beings around her to think her any weaker than they already did.

**_That night…_ **

Darcy was settled in a golden room- literally, every surface glimmered ostentatiously with the substance, and she almost missed her simple apartment back on earth.

Meeting Thor’s parents had been less terrifying than expected, mostly because they seemed intent on grilling Jane on her intentions with their beloved baby. Thor generally spent the evening beaming at all his loved ones about him, kissing Jane and his mother sporadically while anxiously checking his father’s face for approval. Odin was scary as fuck- he made Fury look like Whoopi Goldberg’s younger brother.

His eyepatch was also solid gold, which basically confirmed Darcy’s by then solid hypothesis that even condoms were made of gold on Asgard. She was able to relax and people-watch, something she enjoyed greatly on a normal day. Sipping amazing ale, Darcy observed food refill itself and clear away like magic.

Somehow, despite her clumsiness, spilled soup didn’t actually spill. Her drink remained perfectly chilled- Asgard was a pretty damn amazing place for a fancy dinner. It wasn’t until she returned to her room (after kissing Jane good night and watching her bashfully follow Thor to his room) that she realized that she hadn’t been freaking out at dinner because _Loki had not been there_.

She imagined it was because he was kind of a family black sheep, or maybe because he was an outcast war criminal. Either way, the idea that he lurked about the palace terrified her- of course, she doubted that he even remembered seeing her that day in New York. Somehow his ignorance made it worse, and even as she gingerly maneuvered her legs into a comfortable position on her bed, Darcy felt tears welling in her eyes. Something was about to happen- something bigger than being paralyzed or losing her job…

 

The next day was a blur- one day before the “royal wedding” and dress fittings were the only things Jane and Darcy had to actively take part in before the ceremony.

Jane’s gown was unlike anything Darcy had ever seen- it was gold and silver and white all at once- and actual diamond beads embroidered the bodice and hem of the dress.

Darcy wasn’t one to cry over fashion but when Jane stepped into the room cautiously, she burst into happy tears. “YES! SAY YES TO THIS DRESS! OH GOSH YES! JANE YOU LOOK FUCKING AMAZING!!!” Immediately Darcy glanced about for Frigga, and exhaled in relief when she saw it was simply Jane and she, plus the royal dressmaker.

Jane ignored Darcy’s profanity and gazed at herself in a mirror- disbelievingly, she murmured “Do you think Thor will like it?” Her unspoken fears and doubts were uttered in that sentence, and Darcy wheeled herself close to her best friend to take her hand and reply, “Janey, this is the way Thor sees you every minute of every day, even on the days when you have poptart in your hair, but you know what I mean!

He loves you so fiercely, don’t let your insecurity take away from that. Concentrate on loving him back twice as much.” They hugged, the moment passed, and then Frigga did stride in to see her daughter in law. It did Darcy good to see the queen double-take at the sight of Jane- she was literally glowing in the splendid dress, but it amounted more to the fact that she was going to marry the love of her life, and that she got to spend eternity with him.

Darcy could feel herself growing more emotional and jealous as the day continued, though.

She was perpetually in the way, from the fitting of her dress to the “decorating” of her wheelchair. Asgardians had little regard for the handicapped, she found.

When they helped her try on her emerald green gown, they roughly held her legs together, treating her like an overly heavy piece of furniture that they had to reupholster.

Jane was distracted by selecting her jewels for the wedding, otherwise she would have noticed Darcy spitting mad and ready to cut some Asgardian dressmaker bitches.

She got over it when she checked herself out in the mirror though- the gown was stunning. It made her rack look amazing but not slutty (a rare occurrence for Darcy Lewis) and her pale skin didn’t look deathly white for once in contrast to the warm hue of the dress.

The rest of her day was preparations- a practice ceremony was specially planned for Darcy and Jane’s benefits, so that they wouldn’t seem clueless at the actual event.

Darcy was given a simple dress of grey which draped elegantly over her knees when she was in her chair. She ignored the Grecian looking sandals and wore her own shoes- amazing Christian Louboutin heels in silver satin, a gift from Pepper Potts one Christmas ago. She then followed an attendant to a large atrium surrounded by elaborate gardens with flora Darcy had never before seen. Several rows of delicate gold benches curved around an altar of some rare metal. She was so enthralled by her surroundings that Jane had to poke her for her to pay attention.

It began with Odin speaking something in a language Darcy couldn’t understand- the Allfather’s Blessing was its name, she later found out, and it was his way of ensuring the success of the union of his oldest son with the woman of science from earth.

Then, Frigga placed a circlet on Jane’s head, wordlessly accepting her as her new daughter- although she used a plain bronze one for the practice. After that, Darcy watched awestruck as Jane and Thor exchanged what must have been half an hour of vows, promising eternal love and fealty, and other gushy feelings that left Darcy feeling remarkably alone. After some official fake finalized the vows with some kind of spell, Jane and Thor were married.

They kissed (rather chastely in Darcy’s opinion) and that was that. The practice was over and they could finally eat dinner, which was something she was highly looking forward to. Of course being Darcy’s life, she didn’t get to dine immediately. Instead she was informed that she was to give the first toast, as a representative for Jane. The job was apparently quite important, as it was the first intergalactic space wedding in Asgard, ever, and she had to show the people that Thor wasn’t dooming their race to a lifetime of morbid obesity or reality television.

The meal awkwardly dragged on, no one wishing to go to bed the night before the wedding of the century.

Darcy was wheeling herself to a fountain of some magical champagne substance but was interrupted by sniggering entirely too reminiscent of junior high- girls were being bitchy, and her highly honed senses told her that it was regarding her.

She quietly wheeled closer, and lo and behold there stood two goddesses behind a flowering tree of pinks and whites. The first perfect skank haughtily chuckled and replied to whatever the second skank had asked. “She’s some kind of servant to that Jane- no one important, of course, but Midgardians have always been foolishly sentimental about the help. I personally would never drag a cripple around the royal palace like a bitch to its owner.”

Skank number two burst out laughing and replied, “Her dress! Did you see it? I don’t think she even knows that it’s too short- it’s practically spitting in the face of the Queen for her to wear that- the garb of whores and prostitutes- and with those bizarre shoes? She’s just so _wrong._ ”

The tears threatened to fall but Darcy held them in- just like high school, she proudly wheeled before them and turned to face them, glad that she was dressed nicely, even if she looked like an Asgardian ho.

They both quirked their eyebrows, unalarmed at clearly having been caught mocking a guest behind her back, and skank one facetiously inquired, “Yes?”

The drawn out word was enough for Darcy to see red and it was with great self-control that she looked them both in the eye, steeling herself. “Hello. I’m Darcy, since you seem so interested in who or what I am. As you can tell I’m paralyzed, something which may seem like an abomination to your kind. In reality I’m just another social oddity, and to boot someone sent me a hooker dress under the pretense of doing me a favor- highly typical behavior for a couple of air headed bimbos with more tits than brains.”

Skank number two looked disgruntled but jabbed back- “Are you one to talk about tits? They’re so big they’re almost offensive- can’t you see that you were made for whoring? But for those legs… you can’t even wrap them around a paying customer. Pity, no?”

That one stung but Darcy was fully prepared to wage battle. “It is, isn’t it? But at least I can die alone and customer-less knowing that my very good friend Thor of Asgard is marrying my best friend, and not a couple of tweak bitches like yourselves. Also, get your beady eyes off my breasts- the girls are gorgeous, I am aware, but I’m definitely not into getting ogled by jealous freaks like you two.”

Though the retort was far from Darcy’s finest, quiet applause broke the awkward silence which had settled throughout the ball room. At first she was disconcerted, the two goddesses walking away quickly, muttering profanities under their breath. Then she wheeled around to see- no one. The crowds had dispersed to the dining hall for more food, and though relieved that no one had witnessed the debacle which had just taken place, Darcy knew that someone had observed, silently, and then appreciated the scene with applause.

That night, Darcy couldn’t sleep, which was good considering her diplomatic/best friend role of toast giver. Typical of her procrastinating inner teenager, Darcy had asked if she could prep a toast that night and give it the next day. That night in her bedchamber she sat in bed, pen and parchment (not paper) furiously mating in the creation of the best fucking toast _ever._

Jane was surprisingly not a mess the next morning.

She was quiet, thoughtfully gazing at her reflection in the mirror as a total of six women worked at her hair and face.

There were none of the groom’s family present; Darcy had requested privacy for Jane’s sanity’s sake. The shimmering morning light made the dust motes dance in mid-air and Darcy felt as if she was witnessing something almost holy. Her presence was required though- her duty that day was to accompany Jane throughout the ceremonies and afterwards, keeping her stress-free and radiant. The second part was simple, but tensions were running quite high on the wedding day.

Everyone was suspicious of the earth woman who had claimed their golden boy’s heart, and Darcy’s little confrontation last night had spread around the palace grapevine like wildfire. She didn’t care much about what they had said to her last night; the only part which continued to nag her was the quip about her inability to please a man sexually. Her usual approach to thinking about her love life was to turn on the TV or her iPod and to ignore it.

She shook off her rambling thoughts and focused on the task ahead of her. Darcy felt a tremor run through her at the thought that today, finally, at the ceremony of a lifetime, she would get to meet Loki- the man, no, god who had ended her life as she knew it on a whimsy.

**_CEREMONY:_ **

The walk/roll to the atrium was silent- Jane too excited to speak and Darcy too apprehensive to open her mouth and fill the void.

Music filled the air before they reached their position of entry, and the attendants left Jane and Darcy alone before the wedding began. Without a word Jane kissed Darcy’s head and thanked her. “I know you’re scared but Loki is apparently bound by Odin’s power so that he is incapable of performing any magic. You’ll be safe, and everyone will be there anyways.”

A single trumpet note sounded through the air and the time had arrived- Darcy patted her hair and handed Jane her bouquet of Asgardian flowers, and a young priestess came out of nowhere to hold Jane’s 8 foot long train. The next stanza of the Asgardian wedding march began, and the short procession was set into motion.

Darcy was first, also carrying a smaller version of Jane’s bouquet and smiling, emerald gown glinting as she entered the sunlight.

The crowd did not jeer at Darcy that day; her grace and exotic looks coupled with her wheelchair kept the critics quiet. Besides, they weren’t really paying attention to her- Jane was about to enter. Two young girls scattered blessed flower petals of some sort and everyone rose as the music rose to the crescendo. Darcy reached the front and quickly turned her chair into position, next to two of the groomsmen.

She had no time to absorb her surroundings, transfixed like everyone else by the vision which was her Poptart loving, astrophysicist best friend- Jane Foster soon to be wife of Thor Odinson. She looked every inch the goddess, golden brown hair intricately entwined with strands of pearls and encircled by a simple band of gold. Her gown was the stuff of dreams, flowing around her feet like water as she stepped onto the altar, settling her train behind her.

Thor took her by the hand and they faced the Allfather who shone in- what else- pure gold armor.

Darcy took a moment to glance about her, awed by the abundance of sexually attractive groomsmen about her, not to mention the big man himself. Thor’s blonde locks were tamed back to an extent- the errant lock was forever on his forehead, and his face was stretched in the goofiest, stupidest grin Darcy had ever seen- his eyes were soft though, crinkled at the ends as he gazed at Jane, who looked pretty damn ridiculous herself.

The vows began, and when Thor swore to protect Jane till the moment his heart stopped beating Darcy couldn’t breathe. Jane outdid Thor by swearing that she would, no matter what the cost, always be by his side, even if it meant breaking the space time continuum to reach him.

Then Odin did his magic spell thing- Darcy tuned out a little at that point- but she reentered the moment when Frigga replaced the plain circlet with the white gold circlet, signifying Jane’s acceptance into the Asgardian royal family. Finally, with a passionate kiss rivaling Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries at their media-wedding, Jane and Thor were wedded for all of eternity- literally.

That was Darcy’s cue to take Jane’s bouquet so she could be led by Thor to a hall of celebration which seemed to appear out of nowhere.

The festivities began in full swing; Darcy seated two away from Jane, separated only by the Queen herself and Lady Sif. Neither Jane nor Darcy could eat- Jane was distracted by her handsome new husband ad Darcy was panicking over her toast. Towards the end of the meal, the moment of reckoning came, and one of the Warriors Three- Fandral, she believed, stood to announce that Lady Darcy of Midgard was to toast the new bride and Princess of Asgard, Jane Foster. Darcy smiled a bit nervously as she wheeled herself before the couple and the King and Queen. She thought to pull out the emergency notes she had hidden in her chair but chose to plunge in, saying what was in her heart.

“Ladies, and gentlemen. Gods, and goddesses- today is a day of gains and losses. Today, Asgard gains another shining diamond to adorn its crown- today; Jane Foster has married Prince Thor of Asgard. Despite their differences, Prince Thor and Jane are perfect for one another- Thor is the sun, lighting up the day with his fire and warmth, while Jane is the moon, illuminating the night because of the sun. They become one another, and it is a proud day for Asgard because my best friend and sister is a part of a unit. Sadly, Midgard, or Earth, has lost one of its greatest minds. I have lost my closest companion, and there is no one in any realm who could replace her. I am reassured though by the thought that Thor, the biggest, strongest Asgardian I know, is going to be taking good care of her. Let’s raise a glass for the most sickeningly perfect couple I know! To Thor and Jane!”

Gentle clapping was not what Darcy expected- her thoughtful and genuine toast was wasted on the drunken crowd before her.

She was about to despair when a smooth voice interjected. “Lady Darcy, it would seem that you have been misinformed as to the nature of Asgardian toasts- we do not reminisce weepily like maidens, as you may on Midgard. Although, does it truly surprise anyone that the Migdardian didn’t get it?”

She turned to see a tall man with short black hair and in subdued armor- and a shudder of horror ran through her. Despite his easy tone and playful smile, the sunken blue eyes and greasy long hair haunted Darcy’s vision- Loki.

The room stood still; everyone waited for a reply, and clearly no one knew how Darcy had been crippled.

Jane and Thor looked stricken as Darcy wheeled away from Loki, who stepped before her with a quizzical expression on his face. “Lady Darcy? I beg pardon- Lady? Can you speak?” There was no malice in his voice, only polite concern.

_He really didn’t remember her… at all._ She was gripping the armrests of her chair so tightly her hands were bloodless, and unbeknownst to Darcy tears were streaming down her face. “Lady Darcy, are you unwell?!” Loki attempted to come closer but Darcy fled, wheeling out of the hall and out of the palace, not stopping until she reached a garden secluded enough for her to collapse into shuddering, chest achingly deep sobs.

No one came to get her- Darcy knew Jane absolutely could not leave the party, but she had assumed someone would come after her. Still, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t been ignored before. The shock of seeing Loki the murderer, Loki the god as a brother at a wedding giving a mocking toast reverberated through Darcy, leaving her breathless and dizzy. Gently she wheeled herself near a pond, staring at her reflection in sadness and fear.

She wished she could dip her feet into the water, which seemed cool and beckoningly inviting. Disregarding her logic, Darcy carefully shifted herself from her wheelchair to the ground, dragging her legs so they were submerged knee deep in the shallow pond. The shimmering blue of the water coupled with the white lotuses floating in it was a very picture of heaven, and Darcy could feel none of it. With a shriek of frustration she cried out, lapsing once more into tears.

“Lady Darcy?”

That voice was back, and it frightened Darcy to the point that she lost her balance and fell into the pond, face first.

She attempted to lift herself out with her upper arms but she had lost her strength suddenly, and Darcy was ready to embrace the end (death by 3 foot pond, of course) when strong arms lifted her easily from her imminent doom.

Sputtering and blinded by water, Darcy wildly swung at her savior who she knew was Loki.

“LET- (COUGH)- ME- GO!” she was able to fight her way out of his arms and fell on the grass, heaving furiously and rapidly.

“Lady, I know not why you fear me so. I will call a healer, who can help you.”

Darcy’s terror began to fade, and was replaced by a red hot hatred which had coursed through her veins since the first day she had woken up without the use of legs.

“You _know not_ why I fucking fear you? YOU, Loki of Asgard? You the god of Mischief and Mayhem and paralysis and destruction?”

His bafflement caused Darcy to grab his leg and shake him as best as she could.

“REMEMBER? DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU DEVASTATED MY PLANET? You attacked, you destroyed! You dropped me off a building thousands of feet from the air and left me shattered! You, Loki, YOU! REMEMBER?”

Horror was written all over Loki’s face as he strode away from Darcy abruptly, clearly unwilling to listen to her. She lay down in the soft grass and willed death to take her, but two attendants Loki must have sent retrieved her and sent her to bed. Her status as invalid was permanent it seemed.

Still she couldn’t sleep- that gorgeously normal smile didn't mesh with the demonic grin from New York. Loki was back in her life to steal her night’s sleep…


	4. Yesterday is Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy falls deeper into the dark.

Darcy returned to Earth with a thud- literally.

She fell from her chair when they were dropped from the Einstein-Rosenbridge, and luckily landed on top of the SHIELD agents assigned to her pick up from the drop site. Jane and Thor were in Asgard for good- Thor to earnestly begin his training as King of the realm and Jane to begin her reign as Goddess of Wisdom. She had offered to escort Darcy back to Earth, but Darcy knew Jane wanted to be with Thor.

Who was she to ruin a newlywed couple’s happiness?

That was why she was resigned to beginning a life with no close friends- her best friend was now living on Cloud nine with the man of her dreams. She began her practice again within SHIELD, operating as a psychologist/counselor for the agents.

Mainly her work consisted of the mundane- stress, divorce, low self-esteem. Darcy felt herself feeling normal again, at least in her working world. She was useful again, providing comfort through her listening skills and careful analysis- AKA sounding like all the psychologists she had heard on cable television EVER. She maintained casual office friendships, keeping her distance for the sake of her privacy.

Despite the relative calm of her existence, something in Darcy’s gut told her that the storm was coming- calls it paranoia, but experience had taught her that life kicked people like her in the stomach multiple times before their turn was up.

At night Darcy laid in bed alone, frightened and sweaty.

She knew it was because of Loki- Loki God of Mischief, Loki of Asgard- the being that had made her the facsimile of her old self. She remembered Old Darcy- the girl who danced, who dreamed and drank and laughed freely because life had yet to show her its true colors. In her nightmares a fiendish Loki like of the New York Invasion sneered at her, tortured her, and threw her off a million buildings.

Then a kinder, saner Loki would offer her a cup of tea and her psyche would struggle with the idea that he _did not remember_ maiming Darcy. It was ruining her sleep, leaving her exhausted and confused in the mornings.

Months passed and as before, the chronic depression returned, and announced its reappearance with Darcy losing more weight, though no one noticed. She was utterly, utterly alone once again- a stranger in a world filled with relationships.

Jane couldn’t contact Darcy or vice versa, so no one knew the extent of Darcy’s condition. She stopped eating properly, occasionally stomaching a cup of coffee or a piece of toast. The internet lost its charm for Darcy, something which would have been a huge indicator of her state of mind had anyone been paying attention.

Nobody did pay attention though, not until 4 months after her return from Asgard.

SHIELD was doing employee psych examinations and Agent Asshole was back, checking up on Darcy for the first time in ages. She was unprepared for the visit, and was found in her pajamas at home on the weekend, mascara smeared with tears on her cheeks and hair tangled in an unwashed mess.

She was given a psychological evaluation and found to be deeply depressed and apathetic, unwilling to explain her obvious distress. Darcy was immediately declared unfit to work, ironically despite her months of running a successful psychological office.

Even Director Fury asked her what “the fuck was making her so damned moody.”

She couldn’t explain the eyes which haunted her dreams, changing from icy blue to mossy green in a blink. Something inside her was still broken and it was aching within, leaving Darcy incapable of coping. That was apparent even to the imbeciles at SHIELD, and they decided that she needed a leave of absence, preferably to visit Jane in Asgard-

She lacked the energy to scream “BAD IDEA, NO, NO, WRONG- THE OPPOSITE OF RIGHT, DO NOT TAKE ME THERE” and quietly acquiesced, only mildly surprised when she was no longer on Earth but back in Asgard, being greeted by a glowing, _pregnant_ Jane.

“Darcy, how are you?! I’m so glad to see you, Heimdall said you might show up and I’ve waited for a week!”

Her smiling face was more beautiful than ever, which made Darcy feel even more like a piece of shit.

All she could reply was “I’m okay. SHIELD thinks I’ve gone bonkers.”

Her lopsided grin was apparently more crooked than she had thought- Jane took one look at it and began to cry.

“I can’t believe they let this happen again, and I can’t even help this time- oh god, Darce. Is it because you saw him last time, at the wedding? You left so quickly after the ceremony- I thought it was because of how callous everyone was to your chair but- damn, I was so wrong!”

Darcy heard none of Jane’s guilt-ridden speech because behind her approached a swirl of green and black- _not again._

Her vision swam, and blackness filled her consciousness- Darcy’s fight or flight mechanism glitched, and she passed out.

…

She awakened on a soft bed- it was not gold, thankfully, but white and cream- Jane’s room, clearly. Her friend sat next to her, stroking her hair and humming, protruding belly more prominent than before in her gauzy dress.

The moment was sweet but Darcy felt ready to talk.

“I’m scared to sleep because of him. He’s there in my mind always, and I just… can’t reconcile that demonic fucker in New York with that suave BBC brother in law from the wedding. My mind just, like, rejects the idea of it and fights it, and this all has left me so damn tired.”

Jane’s hand twitched but she continued her caresses, carefully replying, “I think you need to confront this dear. There’s more to this change in Loki than you know.”

“What could possibly change him so much?”

“Ask him. You have that right, ask him yourself. Only he can tell this tale.”

Darcy struggled to sit up, positioning her legs and giving Jane her best “da fuq bitch?” look.

It didn’t work- stubborn Jane remained quiet, refusing to say what happened to Loki. “I deserve to not have to talk to him Jane, he ruined my life!”

Jane quelled Darcy’s complaints by pulling out her scary father in law card- “Father- Odin- forbids it. It is magically and royally bound, so there’s no point in trying to make me tell.”

Darcy pouted, but felt better having confided even a little in Jane. She decided that talking to Loki would have to wait until she’d seen her favorite blonde god.

Thor was polishing Mjolnir in the armory when Darcy rolled in, hair combed and face washed.

“Lady Darcy! It does my heart good to see you in such high spirits!” His infectious grin was strained as he leaned to embrace her, but his warmth was comforting. “I’m glad to see you too big guy. I missed you a lot…”

“Darcy, I know of the horrors which haunt your nights. My dear Jane spoke to me of them as you rested and I cannot help but feel responsible- you did not have to see Loki, truly. We could have wedded somehow, and the Allfather would have eventually given in.”

“Thor, it’s just… I can’t wrap my mind around any of it, you know? I feel like I’ve been torn inside out and no one can find out where the rip began?”

Thor remained quiet, but placed a strong arm around Darcy, gently curtailing his strength.

She broke the silence when she asked, “Can’t you tell me what happened to change him?”

He shook his head solemnly and Darcy was about to protest, but Thor sternly cut her off- “No. I cannot, and I would not would that was I allowed to explain.”

Darcy angrily rolled away, and headed for the garden where her nightmare had become reality.

She sat near the pond, throwing pebbles at the beautiful fish swimming around. Her sullen mood transformed into real melancholy, and her eyes swelled with tears again. _What the fuck was wrong with her?_

“Lady Darcy.”

The cultured, smooth Hugh Laurie voice was back- _please no._

“I fear I offended you last we met. Please, tell me what I have done so I may make amends.”

_He was trying to fix things- HA! Could he fix paralysis?_

“Lady Darcy? I truly know not what was wrong at my brother Thor’s wedding.”

Her temper was beginning to flare- that damn accent was such a turn on normally but right then Darcy wanted to cut off the man’s balls and feed them to him.

Instead Darcy decided to freak Loki out; clearly he needed to be informed.

Without turning around Darcy began to speak. Her voice was toneless but she knew her words would pack a real punch.

“It began in 2012 when I was still whole and assistant to Jane. You attacked Earth.”

“What?! That’s absurd, I would never-“

“You forged an alliance with the Chitauri in exchange for the Tesseract, and nearly won.”

“I don’t believe it- you can’t just say that!”

Darcy couldn’t help but admit, the man was committed to his story- but so was she.

“You were crazy- falling from the Bifrost can do that? Where did you wake up anyways?”

She didn’t wait for an answer but continued.

“It’s really funny actually what you did to me, honestly. A real case of wrong place, wrong time. They sent Jane to Tromsee when you came, to protect her from the bad guys- but they _didn’t take me._ I was too insignificant, so they just left me behind in Puente Antigua. I was all alone when the Chitauri came and took me, transporting me to New York- and it brought me to a rooftop where you stood, thousands of feet from the ground, and you saw my face and laughed. You laughed because I wasn’t Jane, and there was no value in my being a hostage, so you dangled me by the neck over the ground before dropping me to the Earth- I was left permanently crippled because of that. I can’t walk, can’t dance, run, or sit on the ground. I’m broken and it’s because I was the wrong person. You broke me because I was the wrong person.”

Loki had no words- he opened and shut his mouth like a fish out of water.

He clearly was shocked- he had no idea what she was talking about but all of it began to make _an awful lot of sense. Loki’s mind raced, and he saw in his memories blurs of skyscrapers and metal gargantuan worms taking out buildings, people dying and green Hulks smashing. He was crazed, he was mad-_

“No. I don’t know what sorcery this is, but I did no such thing!”

Darcy turned in her chair and Loki’s face contorted at the sight of her- face blank of any expression but disgust.

  
“You did this. Ask Odin Allfather what really happened that spring. Ask him, you twisted fucker. Understand who you truly are.”

Darcy unevenly laughed at her theatrics before wheeling herself away, surprised at how steady her hands were despite her quivering fear and panic.

“Wait! Lady Darcy- I cannot fathom anything you said being true but- something rings… something rings within my mind- but… I am so confused. My head is aching- oof!” As if socked in the gut, Loki fell to his knees clutching his head and Darcy could not restrain a feral grin- she broke Loki back.


	5. Science and Progress

She wasn’t okay. She thought making _him_ hurt would’ve done the trick, at least in a short term kind of way, but Darcy was still feeling intensely depressed one week after her confrontation with Loki. She actually hadn’t seen the god since then, and although she was relieved to avoid seeing him again, Darcy felt twinges of guilt. Despite everything, her mind still couldn’t match crazy-Loki who had thrown her off a building with the nice-Loki she had met at Jane’s wedding, and the idea of permanently traumatizing the latter was unpleasant.

 

Jane was actually quite pregnant- 6 months, and yet her stomach only gently curved out, perfect for Thor to cup with his hands and caress. Seeing married Thor and Jane was almost nauseating for Darcy, but not because it was sickly sweet; mostly, it reminded Darcy of an intimacy she had yet to experience, and was unlikely to ever find. The happy couple was overjoyed to see Darcy, though, and forced her to spend endless hours with them- talking, reading together, singing, overseeing royal matters, when all she wanted to do was watch some Family Guy and eat Ramen.

 

She wasn’t allowed to leave Asgard for home after two weeks- SHIELD had sent a message with her abrupt arrival and had notified Jane that she wasn’t to return to Earth until sarcastic, bubbly Darcy was back.

Darcy didn’t know how to tell SHIELD or Thor or Jane the truth: that the old Darcy had died a painful death after a fall from a skyscraper.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Weeks passed. Darcy spent them listlessly rolling about Asgard, half-exploring the library from time to time. She enjoyed the literature but everything seemed to remind her of the giant muddle her life had become. Jane was bigger; her pregnancy was progressing safely for a woman so slight, and that was a relief to Thor and Darcy. It wasn’t until a month had gone by when Darcy realized something- Jane was different. Not just, “I’m eating more than poptarts” different, but somehow… radiant. She glowed, with perfect skin and hair that was constantly in shampoo commercial mode.

It took some reading, and a little bit of snooping, but Darcy figured it out soon enough.

“Tell me about the apples of Idunn.”

Jane had been startled by the query, and had abruptly stopped brushing her hair before carefully resuming the action. “They’re an Asgardian thing… they are, uh, mostly this myth. They say if you partake of the golden apples, you are immortal. You are a god.”

Darcy sharply inhaled as her suspicions proved correct. “I just… you really need a damn facebook account Jane, or at least a twitter. I’d like to know that you’re going to be around forever… for as long as I’m actually alive, I guess, so it’d just be a fraction of your eternity.”

“Don’t be so caustic Darce! I had to! It’s a criterion of marrying an Asgardian prince! I had to give up my humanity, my mortality to marry Thor- and it made sense at the time, and now I question it but mostly I’m happy with it because I got my husband and baby out of it, and you should be happy for me too!”

Jane was breathing heavily; clearly she had been thinking about this for a long time, and Darcy’s words had proved a trigger for a stream of rushed exclamations.

Darcy on the other hand was calm; she knew she had no right to feel angry but once again, the bitter new her wasn’t going to let it go.

“I think you know why I’m having a difficult time swallowing this.”

Jane turned around and put her hands on her stomach, almost protectively.

“Jane… you know I love you, and you know I care for you and Thor and that baby inside you so much, but… I hate my life! I hate knowing that I’m more likely to get sick than other people, I’m less likely to ever have a relationship that anyone else! Fuck, Jane, you think I want to hear through ten Asgardian scrolls and servants’ gossip that you’re now immortal? Tell me these things, we’re best friends!”

Before Jane could reply she rolled out of the room; dramatic exits were kind of becoming her thing.

A few hours later, a knock sounded on her door. It was Thor, looking concerned and upset.   
“Lady Darcy, I must ask you to come with me.”

Darcy lay in her bed, earphones on and wheelchair next to it. Thor emitted an impatient man-noise and lifted Darcy from her reclining position, carrying her to-somewhere. Thor disregarded her apparel of a XXL Captain America tee shirt (she got it as a joke from a gift shop before her accident) and impetuously strode down the stairwell to some unknown depths of the palace, ignoring Darcy’s protests of “Jane wouldn’t like it if you tapped my sweet ass Thor, not that I don’t appreciate the compliment!”

They finally stopped before a closed door, which led Darcy to questioningly eye Thor, who seemed intent on not speaking to her. He carefully balanced her as he kicked open the door (silently somehow?!) and entered, for Darcy to see….

Him. Again. Broken, and beaten, and stark raving mad.   
“I WAS MADE TO RULE, I WAS BORN FOR GREATNESS! YOU ALL WERE BORN TO KNEEL, IT IS IN YOUR VERY NATURE. KNEEL! KNEEEEL!”

And there was crazy-Loki, except much sadder and far less menacing than before. He was restrained to a bed, fighting furiously and beating his head from side to side, all in a fruitless attempt to break free of his bonds. Darcy couldn’t help it; she gasped, loudly, and caught Loki’s attention.

“YOU! YOU SNIVELLING, CRYING LITTLE QUIM. YOU DID THIS! YOU!”

Thor turned around and made to leave but Darcy stopped him; “I want to talk to him! What happened to him, Thor? Is this what you wouldn’t tell me about?”

Thor sighed wearily and sat on a stair step, gently positioning Darcy so she was supported up by his body.

“No Darcy. What I couldn’t tell you was what you have undone.”  
Darcy immediately saw it- calm, collected suave Loki was a _trick._ “I knew you couldn’t fix crazy like Loki’s for real- what kind of magic was it?”

“The Allfather felt that in the time of the war, when I was away fighting… Loki endured a great and terrible madness. He was imprisoned, stripped of his magic, and isolated from every living soul he had ever known. After years of being away, I learned of this and could not bear it… He is my brother and I did not wish to see him suffer anymore. I suppose that he did deserve punishment for his crimes on Earth, but he had paid most dearly by my return. His mind was lost and wandering, like that of ant or a fly. He was broken down, and I had no choice but to bargain with my father. He agreed to give him back his sanity, in exchange for his personality and memories. Essentially, he made a Loki without the anger or the bitterness. I only agreed to end Loki’s pain, but it seems he has been in pain underneath the façade, all along.”

Darcy’s mind was zooming at hyper levels. Memory isolation? Personality programming? Odin’s magic was B. F. Skinner’s ultimate sexual fantasy- the penultimate behavioral conditioning!

Then her psychologist brain stopped and her Darcy brain began.

“Oh god… Thor, did I undo the magic, and release the whacko? Oh shit Thor, I didn’t know! I had no clue, I was just yelling at him one day and then he just seemed disturbed, but he said his head was aching… oh god, now I get it! I am SO sorry!”

Tear threatened to fall but Thor smiled gently.   
“I know you did not intend to “break” my brother as you say, but it is most unfortunate that he has lost his mind once more.”

Everything in Darcy’s mind was screaming no as she began to formulate a coherent yet emotionally charged idea- it was crazy as fuck but she liked it a lot.

“Can I counsel him?”

The look Thor gave her spoke louder than any words…

“What? I’m a professional!”

“Darcy… what you propose is unprofessional even outside of normal legalities. Remember New York?”  
“I do and that’s why! I promise, just one session! I’ll just talk to him. Just one!”

Thor sighed heavily once more, and Darcy grinned in spite of herself.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

What does one wear to a counseling session with the man who disposed of her off a building?  
Off the shoulder sweat shirt with matching gross sweatpants?

Tube top (to display the girls) and daisy dukes?

She wore a maroon sweater and a silky brown skirt Jane had given her when she first got her wheelchair (Darcy felt pants were no longer mandatory since her legs didn’t work) with boots, building her confidence by wearing a bright red lipstick to match her excitement. Her interested was piqued and despite her logical side intensely protesting, Darcy couldn’t resist picking Loki’s mind, if only for an hour.

TWO HOURS LATER:

“Loki! LOKI! Stop screaming! STOP! I will NOT hurt you!”

Darcy was ready to jump off another skyscraper to finish off what Loki had started- the man wasn’t just “mad” or “insane”- the dude was batshit cray. She was used to stress, to worry, to anxiety about a super-spy mission gone awry. Darcy had never seen a really diseased mental patient until that day, and that was when she gave up on “counseling” Loki.

Fuck it.

“LOKI! I’m sorry I made you remember! I’m sorry- I, I forgive you for your throwing me off a building! I- yeah, I do!”

Loki stopped screaming and eerily leered at her, searching her face for something unknown.

“What?”

“You know not what ails me, do you? You come with your harlot’s lips and yet you are still as weak as ever. Did your mortal brain ever imagine that once, my mastery of magic could have repaired that which I have damaged? There is no such thing as an irrevocable mistake for a god girl; it would do you good to remember that.”

His tone shift was startling- he had moved on from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Hannibal Lecter, and somehow that was much more frightening.   
Then she processed what he had said.

“Magic? What- Loki… are you screaming about your magic? Is that honestly it?”

She was incredulous- it was as if she hadn’t understood fully what he had said, and even Loki was aware of it. “Puzzling. You only comprehend that which regards me. How curiously mortal. Let me remind you again; I could put you back together again would my BLASTED NON-FATHER deign to return to me my rightful magic!!!! I have earned the skill and he has bound it away into a corner of the universe blind to me!”

He sounded wounded and whimsical and entirely tyrannical- like Hamlet. The more Darcy thought about it, the more she liked the comparison. Norse God, Danish prince?

And then she finally heard it.

And that was when she shattered, out of the blue.

“WHAT?! You- YOU FUCKER! YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE- ooh god, I’m not gonna forget this- AGH!” Darcy screamed in frustration and turned her chair away, as tears streamed unbidden from her eyes, leaving her helpless to their ebbing flow.

Loki was silenced, and then a voice interrupted her sobs.   
“Lady Darcy, it seems that I’ve distressed you once again. Why is it that I am only capable of reducing you to tears? I am most dreadfully sorry for what I’ve done, whatever that may be.”

Darcy stopped shuddering and turned slowly. Loki’s face had smoothed somehow, and though his features were the same aristocratic elegance as they were before, something was different. He had seemed more than just crazy when his alter-ego stepped out- and then she clicked.   
“Odin separated your two sides and did a piss poor job, didn’t he?”

She shook her head in astonishment- talk about multiple personality disorder.

The polite Loki smiled carefully at her and his face transformed- what were previously bruises beneath his eyes lined with wrinkles turned into faded bags surrounded by laugh lines indicating a pleasant man- not at all the psycho Darcy loved so.

Loki yawned, probably feeling the exhaustion of being delusional and crazed, and blinked, drawing Darcy’s attention to his eyes. They were feathered with long black lashes, and were a gorgeous shade of pale green. The color reminded her of the ocean, not pristine and blue, but murky and jaded, hiding anything and everything beneath their depths. She then realized what had changed, and began to slap Loki furiously.

“What- Stop it- why!?!” Loki grew understandably angry and flustered, spluttering with indignation until he emitted a roar. “ENOUGH! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PILE OF FLESH, OF USE TO NO ONE- A BURDEN TO ALL WHO WOULD KNOW YOU!”

Darcy ignored the jibe and carefully peered into his eyes-

And smiled. She loved making correct hypotheses, and this was no different.

Triumphantly patting Loki on the cheek and rolling away, Darcy giggled, despite the piercing _blue_ eyes glaring daggers at the back of her head.


End file.
